Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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