i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
