3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
