I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
