I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
