I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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