it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
