I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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