see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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