They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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