i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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