First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
