Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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