Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
