I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
