maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
