There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
