Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
