Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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