Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
