I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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