dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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