Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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