I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
