I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
