How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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