You can't motorboat a personality
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
