I want to walk on stilts...naked
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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