I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
handjob tips. give me some.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
