Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
