Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
