he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The uberlube is also flammable
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
