Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
