I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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