We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
