At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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