We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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