I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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