we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
