It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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