I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
