69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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