Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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