check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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