my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
