It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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