Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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