So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
