is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In America we eat man semen.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
