May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
