I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
