I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
