i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
