id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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