I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
