speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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