My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
