I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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