I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
