Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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