you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
