You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Randomize