I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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