On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
