I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
