Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
