After last night, I could never be a politician.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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