i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize