you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
